self-dissent

2007-01-31 00:31:50 -0800

I'm tired and unaccoutably dispirited as I write, so this is entry is not likely to be terribly interesting. I have been fairly successful so far this year in staving off the usual urges for distraction, though I have not consistently filled the newfound time with rewarding activity. My inspiration and energy comes and goes in seemingly random pockets of intensity. Instead of trying to direct my interests and action with plans and intentions, I have been allowing myself to do whatever occurs to me in the moment. This has resulted in uneven attention spread across a wide variety of activities. That I even have things occuring to me in the moment is a vast improvement over last year, but whatever in me that poses as my ambition is starting to get impatient with the vacillation. I do not feel as though I am the same person from day to day. Isn't there supposed to be some sort of coherency and continuity of consciousness, awareness, and design? I find myself regularly in disagreement with choices I have made only recently and alientated from freshly formed opinions.